Asterios Kills a Kid | Transcript for Episode 7: Women Sure Are Complicated

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Transcript for Episode 7: Women Sure Are Complicated

October 4, 2018

[Bye Bye Birdie’s “Kids” plays, starting loud, then fading.]

00:00:12 Asterios: Welcome, to Asterios Kills a Kid, the children’s advice podcast hosted by broken people. We get questions from real kids. They really need help. We really don’t help them. We are really screwing up some kids here. With me is my co-host Sriracha!

00:00:30 Sriracha: Hello there everyone.

00:00:32 Asterios: Okay, Sriracha-

00:00:34 Sriracha: What’s up.

00:00:35 Asterios: We got some news from producer Jesse.

00:00:37 Sriracha: What’d he say?

00:00:37 Asterios: Kay first off, hi Producer Jesse. We love you. But also hi Producer Zwick in case you get jealous. And then Kimball if you’re listening I- hello to you too.

00:00:45 Sriracha: I don’t think Kimball has anything to do with this show.

00:00:47 Asterios: No he doesn’t but I care about him, he’s a little cutie!

00:00:51 Sriracha: He is great. Oh man I can’t wait for Fight Night 2 to come out.

00:00:55 Asterios: Oh go no.

00:00:56 Sriracha: By the time this episode comes out Fight Night 2 will already be out and I’m sure it will be not terrible but terribly… terribly bad to minorities. [laughs]

00:01:05 Asterios: Yes. Okay yes by the time Fight Night 2 comes out hopefully they’ll both be in jail. Okay, Producer Jesse sent me this: search analytics. This is how people find our show, Asterios Kills a Kid.

00:01:18 Sriracha: Okay I’m ready.

00:01:19 Asterios: Kay. First one, searching for “asterios kills a kid”! 65% of people, that’s how they find it.

00:01:25 Sriracha: Makes sense.

00:01:25 Asterios: Makes sense. They search for “sriracha asterios” 5% of the time.

00:01:29 Sriracha: I like that I’m first in that.

00:01:31 Asterios: Well then they search for “asterios sriracha” 4% of the time so you are winning.

00:01:36 Sriracha: Okay just by 1% though. You could catch up.

00:01:38 Asterios: It’s still a lot. Okay but here’s the thing… “broken people episodes”. 11 people have found us by searching for “broken people episodes”.

00:01:49 Sriracha: What do you think- do you think that has to do- were we the intended result of that or?

00:01:54 Asterios: I- I definitely definitely don’t think so at all. Maybe there’s a podcast out there called “Broken People” or maybe, these are the literal psychic episodes that happen to people when they break? Kinda like, when you’re at McDonalds and it’s 11:59 and you finally get to the front, and they’re like, “Soooorry, breakfast is closed.”

00:02:14 Sriracha: Oh god that made my dick so hard. When I used to work at WackDonalds, oh my god nothing would get me off like that. Like uh, this was the WackDonalds in Hollywood so there was always a fuckin’ line wrapped around the- oh man and then that car comin’ up and being like, “Oh sorry, I c-” oh God it would make my cock so hard. And then sometimes they’d drive around to yell at me and I’d be like, [turned on] “Oh, yes, yes uh huh, yell at me all you want you’re still not gettin’ your bacon egg and cheese biscuit you bitch.” OH, my favourite one; I remember this like it was yesterday: my favourite one was a family that got there too early, and I guess they were on a road trip or something and they drove around, they were like uh, “Can we get Happy Meals?” I was like, “No, it’s uh, 9 o’ clock in the morning so no I can’t get you a happy meal,” and they drive around, and then I look at the car… and both of the kids in the back seat are screaming and crying. And they ordered other food so they did have a reason to be at the window, but the both of the kids are screaming and crying and [laugh] the dad is at the wheel and he looks at me he says, “See what you did?” like, joking, “See what you did?” and I was like, “Ha ha, yeah,” and then the mom is in the next seat s- and she looks at me in a huff and she says, [shouting] “Isn’t there any way you can make a cheese burger and [unintelligible]” I’m like “[sharp inhale] No can do bitch” [Asterios laughs] “Soooorry.” Uh, like that episode of South Park, when the guy rubs his nipples Comca- you’ve never seen that?

00:03:32 Asterios: No but you were just rubbing your nipples and I didn’t understand why.

00:03:35 Sriracha: [ecstatic sigh] “Oh yes, soorrryyyyy. Ooh, why don’t you go to the other restaura- oh you can’t because all the WackDonalds start serving lunch at the same time. Oooh, soorrryyyy.” Oh wait no that’s not a thing anym- wait, they do 24-hour breakfast now-

00:03:51 Asterios: [interjecting] -this shows how old we are, which is interesting to me, ‘cause today’s kids grow up in a world where they can have breakfast whenever they want! ‘Cause apparently, McDonalds found a way to make certain trays dual use.

00:04:07 Sriracha: Yeah, they- how it always worked when I was at WackDonalds was we had a bunch of trays and then each tray was for something, like one had all the nuggets in it, and then one had all the cheese burger patties ‘n stuff like that. But I guess- I don’t know, I haven’t worked at a WackDonalds in a very long time so I guess they expanded the trays and they added more trays or something? I dunno.

00:04:31 Asterios: Yeah. Apparently- an- and you know the only reason I know this is ‘cause I love McDonalds I go to bed every night dreaming about it and I go to- I wake up every morning with a boner because of it. Um, they, you know, they found a way, said, “Look, you can put mcnuggets, and hash browns in this tray, and they’ll both taste pretty good. And it’s fine, we can make hash browns at 7pm now. We can do breakfast at night now.” That’s what they did.

00:04:56 Sriracha: V- see I feel like that’s- hmm…

00:04:58 Asterios: I’m listening, ‘cause you’re the expert.

00:05:00 Sriracha: So at WackDonalds, we were not allowed to fry chicken nuggets and french fries in the same deep fryer-

00:05:07 Asterios: [interjecting] Because of veganism stuff.

00:05:09 Sriracha: I don’t know what it was, but it might have been that. I wonder if it’s- I cannot for the life of me remember if you could fry hash browns and french fries in the same- I imagine you could, because they’re both potato products-

00:05:22 Asterios: Right.

00:05:22 Sriracha: -but I mean, I don’t know. This stuff is filled with so much additives. It wouldn’t surprise me one little bit if like, the hash browns had some like- more formaldehyde in them than the french fries and that caused them to need their own fryer. I don’t know.

00:05:35 Asterios: Oh yeah! Uh, I read a couple years ago: in India, like- you know in India it’s- you’re not allowed to eat cows ‘cause like they’re God? Or something? [Sriracha laughs] You know what? I probably could have found a much less racist way to say that.

00:05:47 Sriracha: I was gonna say, “Asterios Kills a Kid, the height of cultural sensitivity.” Yeah they’re gods Asterios, that’s why they don’t eat them.

00:05:54 Asterios: Oh- I- I- moving on. Like I’m tryin’ to se- [Sriracha laughs] tryin’ to get through it. Sorry, our listeners in- we should see if we have any listeners in India according to these. Anyway, um, but it turned out that there was like a little bit of cow’s blood in those French fries, that came frozen that way. Like- and so in India everyone was like, “What the hell! You’re making us eat God, forever!” and McDonalds’ like, “Sorryyy” and they’re rubbing their nipples and like-

00:06:17 Sriracha: [interjecting; turned on voice] “Ooohh, sorrryyyy”

00:06:18 Asterios: “Oh we’re terribly sorry. We’ve caused you to commit a greivous offense against your religion.”

00:06:23 Sriracha: “Awww you wanna go eat another restaur- oh you can’t ‘cause you’re all poor! Oooohhh sooorrryyyyy.”

00:06:31 Asterios: Oh my god! This is my fault. This one’s my fault. Usually I blame someone else, this one’s on me.

00:06:38 Sriracha: Do you have- have you ever been to a McDonalds out of the country?

00:06:41 Asterios: No.

00:06:42 Sriracha: Yo they got some good stuff at the Japanese McDonalds. They had for a whi- I don’t know if they still have it ‘cause it’s been a hot sec’ since I’ve been there, but they had this fried curry burger?

00:06:53 Asterios: What?!

00:06:53 Sriracha: Oh dude it was so good. It was sooo good. It came with some kind of barbeque curry sauce on it too- oh my god I could eat McDonalds- Japa- Japanese McDonalds all day.

00:07:03 Asterios: Here’s what I think they should do: in like Little Japan, or in a Little Italy, or in Little Mexico, they should have McDonalds that have the stuff that you can only get in those towns.

00:07:15 Sriracha: Yeah that’s a great idea!

00:07:16 Asterios: Yeah! ‘Cause then it makes going to the McDonalds in Little Tokyo like a special thing.

00:07:22 Sriracha: Instead of a horrible nightmare. [laughs]

00:07:24 Asterios: Yeah, instead of like, “Well I am poor, so I can’t afford to eat any Japanese food.”

00:07:29 Sriracha: Everybody thinks when they come to New York City they’re comin’ to like, “Oh it’s- you can make it here, you can make it anywhere! Models and Wall Street.” but let me tell you what New York really is: last night I stopped to pa- I stopped to pee in a- what was that? Like a restaurant? What-

00:07:47 Asterios: Oh, the bodega! The two story bodega-

00:07:48 Sriracha: [interjecting] Yeah, a bodega. And I walked into the bathroom and I was greeted with half a bottle of Absolut Vodka just sitting on top of the toilet. [laughs]

00:07:56 Asterios: Yup. Yup. Me too.

00:07:58 Sriracha: And I said-

00:07:58 Asterios: [interjecting] That was great!

00:07:59 Sriracha: Yeah.

00:07:59 Asterios: Thank god you tol- she told me about it. The- sealed. Top screwed on. There was some nice clear liquid in it, did not look like pee. The only reason I didn’t have it was because you made me bet- you told me not to. Otherwise I would have been drinking that bathroom hooch.

00:08:15 Sriracha: Do you have a theory on why that was there-

00:08:17 Asterios: [imediately] Yeah.

00:08:17 Sriracha: -because this is bizarre to me for one reason, and that is because I feel like, I was sa- talkin’ about this at dinner last night with our friends. I feel like if you’re at a point in your life where you are drinking in the bathroom of a bodega, you are at the level of drinking like Sobieskis or something like, Absolut seems a little high brow for this situation.

00:08:35 Asterios: Oooh, that’s in- well you know what, Absolut is a medium shelf- it’s not top shelf, it’s not bottom shelf. Sometimes Absolut is on sale. That may be what happened.

00:08:44 Sriracha: Really?

00:08:45 Asterios: Yeah, or- look here’s what I think happened: I think it was a young kid, underage, in the city, trying to party. Like, they probably bought Absolut because they were like, “I’ve heard of this. It’s Absolut, I see the commercials for it” or whatever. They go to the bathroom, they go to S* and they get themselves a big big big diet coke with a lid. They start to drink it, they start to pour the liquor in… suddenly there’s a knock at the door. They’re like, “Oh god! Oh no! Uh, it’s the cops! Ahhaa!” And so like they just- [speaking fast] they really quickly they pour a little bit more and they leave the rest of it on the toilet and then get the hell out of there! [speaking at normal speed] That’s what I- I think somebody had a panic attack and couldn’t finish making their road sodie.

*** Transcriber’s note: I’m a Canadian so I have no idea what Asterios is saying when he says ’S’. I’m guessing it’s a chain store of some kind that they have in New York, but I don’t know for sure, or how to spell it.**

00:09:21 Sriracha: I think it was a foreigner, and let me tell you why.

00:09:24 Asterios: I’m listening.

00:09:24 Sriracha: I think it was a foreigner because- this is a detail I forgot to mention is we were very close to Broadway, which is like where all the plays and stuff are. So I have a theory that there was a foreigner who bought it because mid-shelf liquor is very expensive outside of the United States.

00:09:43 Asterios: Yeess!

00:09:44 Sriracha: Like in Australia a bottle of Jack Daniels will run you I swear to god I am not making this up 55 dollars.

00:09:50 Asterios: I believe you.

00:09:50 Sriracha: So I think it was a foreigner that stopped at a liquor store, saw it and was like, “Oh my gosh this is so cheap here!” and then picked it up. And then their intention was they were going to take it into a theatre-

00:10:03 Asterios: Yes!

00:10:04 Sriracha: -and drink it. But they check ba- a lot of them check your bag? So I think they got their tickets, they went to the theatre, they thought they- uh the guy at the door said, “Hey bud, you can’t bring this here. Get rid of it.” So they went to the closest place they could find, which was that bodega, and then they dumped as much of it into- like you were saying a drink that they could take with them.

00:10:27 Asterios: Yeah.

00:10:27 Sriracha: On their way back to the theatre.

00:10:28 Asterios: Or maybe they just drank as much of it straight as they could and they were just like, “Ahh. We can’t finish this fuck it we gotta go.” That makes a lotta sense because the ticking clock is: the Broadway show is starting.

00:10:40 Sriracha: Yeah. And-

00:10:40 Asterios: [interjecting] That’s why you leave some vodka in the bathroom!

00:10:43 Sriracha: Right. That was the big questions that I had was: why didn’t you take the bottle?

00:10:47 Asterios: Right.

00:10:47 Sriracha: Like even if you were drinking [laughs] if you’re a r- an alcohol-ack, who is going to just drink and wander around Time Square, which by the way: highly reccomend.

00:10:58 Asterios: It’s fun!

00:10:59 Sriracha: Great idea. It’s-

00:11:00 Asterios: [interjecting] We do it!

00:11:01 Sriracha: -it’s sooo much fun. You will get blasted and then the fact that you are in Time Square is a fun experience instead of a horrific nightmare.

00:11:11 Asterios: The- this whole time we’ve been talking about fixing up a drink in the bathroom as if it’s some sort of metaphor? We did that yesterday!

00:11:18 Sriracha: Yeah it was fun!

00:11:19 Asterios: It was fun as hell! I went to that S and I bought myself a giant iced tea. Went to the bathroom. Took out my bottle of cheap-ass cognac. Loaded that sucker up. “Why cognac?” you’re saying: ‘cause it’s like, look, we don’t need to get obliterated.

00:11:31 Sriracha: Yeah I feel good. I’m not hung over and I feel like I deserve a hangover.

00:11:34 Asterios: Yeah! We drank a lot yesterday. We went to two different- I’m not kidding, I went to two different bathrooms and fixed up two different drinks.

00:11:40 Sriracha: I was gonna say, and here’s a insider tip too: if you’re in New York, um, stop at one of those bodegas, get yourself some kind of drink, but get it in a plastic- don’t buy like a bottled soda. Get it in a plastic cup, get coffee or juice or something, and fill it up with that, so that way if you go into a restaurant and they say, “Hey no outside food or drink,” say, “Oh I’m allergic to everything you have on the menu I have to bring my own.”

00:12:08 Asterios: That’s fucking brilliant!

00:12:09 Sriracha: Yeah, uh huh. It’s- I’ve been doin’ “gluten-free” up until very recently because uh, now everybody is gluten free [laughs] so my plan doesn’t work anymore. Now they’re like, “Oh we have uh, gluten free options.” I’m like, “Well damn, okay I have to go to another restaurant now.”

00:12:24 Asterios: Yeaaahh. Okay! We just helped some kids! Unwittingly! That’s fantastic advice hun! Very good job.

00:12:34 Sriracha: Thank you.

00:12:34 Asterios: Okay ju- just to go through the rest of these search analytics uhh- uhh let’s see, nine people found us by searching the phrase, “killed a kid.”

00:12:42 Sriracha: Oh no.

00:12:44 Asterios: Uhh, fourt- uh, six people found us by searching for “perfect young teen [pauses] f’d-”

00:12:51 Sriracha: [interjecting] I- I’m sorry-

00:12:51 Asterios: “-by you pornhub”

00:12:53 Sriracha: I’m sorry, “perfect young teen” are you saying “f’d” like in a coy way because you don’t wanna swear?

00:12:57 Asterios: Mmm yeah I don’t wanna curse on the air.

00:13:00 Sriracha: Oh my go- wha- I’m s- I’m sorry what?

00:13:02 Asterios: Three people found us by finding the phrase killed- “kid kills”. Uh, three people found us by searching for “daddy dom little girl pornhub”. Three people found us by searching for “loli girl f’d by her teacher (in parenthese ‘contains piss’ end parentheses)”.

00:13:20 Sriracha: I’m sorry, “contains piss” like urine?

00:13:23 Asterios: Yeaahh.

00:13:24 Sriracha: What the… hell? What?

00:13:26 Asterios: Two people found us by searching for the phrase “wasps are assholes”. That’s good, remember, we did a whole episode about how wasps are assholes.

00:13:34 Sriracha: Oh my god something just clicked in my brain.

00:13:37 Asterios: [talking over] I’m listening.

00:13:37 Sriracha: Something just clicked in my brain. It’s like, this is happening because of the transcripts.

00:13:43 Asterios: Yes.

00:13:43 Sriracha: That Jesse puts up.

00:13:44 Asterios: Yes.

00:13:45 Sriracha: Oh my god so we gotta keyword load these. Podcast. Comedy podcast. Fun comedy podcast. Asterios Kokkinos podcast. Asterios Kokkinos lawsuit. Lawsuit podcast. Lawsuit podcast. Cute teen piss podcast.

00:13:59 Asterios: You’re so smart.

00:13:59 Sriracha: [interjecting] Good luck transcribing this Jesse. [laughs]

00:14:02 Asterios: You’re so goddamn- doohh you’re the perfect co-host!

00:14:04 Sriracha: Love life podcast. Bang dream podcast. Japanese podcast. Kore- Learn Korean podcast. Korean podcast. Learn Japanese podcast. Chinese podcast. Asian podcast. Asian feet. Feet podcast. Feetcast. Footcast. Wookifeetia.

00:14:21 Asterios: I love you. [Sriracha laughs] You are so goddamn smart. Okay, and then finally-

00:14:25 Sriracha: [interjecting] Would you like to add any more keywords?

00:14:26 Asterios: Nahh, finally uh, somebody found us by searching for uh, “ddlg is not pedophilia”.

00:14:35 Sriracha: Aah wrong!

00:14:36 Asterios: Yeah, exactly! So now, for SEO: ddlg is pedophilia, you are a criminal, you will go to jail, by reading this you will go to jail.

00:14:47 Sriracha: ddlg is pedophilia. ddlg is pedophilia. ddlg is pedophilia. ddlg is pedophilia podcast. ddlg is pedophilia transcript. ddlg is pedophilia… soundcloud.

00:14:59 Asterios: Okay, somebody also found us by searching for “ask your parents what ‘YEET’ means”. We’re the best podcast ever I swear to god.

00:15:06 Sriracha: [interjecting] Who is googling this?

00:15:08 Asterios: I- kids? Adults? I dunno, someone’s googling. Alright, let’s get to our fiiirst question!

00:15:13 Sriracha: I’m ready.

00:15:14 Asterios: Okay, our first question comes from CRINGE the edgelord.

00:15:20 Sriracha: Oh I feel like we have met CRINGE the edgelor before.

00:15:23 Asterios: We have actually. He’s 16 years old, he’s a real listener, I have talked to him over Discord.

00:15:29 Sriracha: Okay.

00:15:30 Asterios: Uh, he writes: “I must ask another question because it’s a pressing issue, my cousin is visiting my area from France and he looks way better than me. I’m basically a fat manlet version of him. So he’s attracting all of the chicks-”

00:15:46 Sriracha: Why are you unbuttoning your shirt as you read this?! Can you save your pedophilia until after we’re done recording the podcast?

00:15:53 Asterios: A) I’m sweaty. B) Shut up.

00:15:56 Sriracha: Buy a fan! Turn the- we have a fan.

00:15:59 Asterios: I can’t aim the fan at me beause we have a microphone here!

00:16:02 Sriracha: Okay well everybody know that Asterios is beating off as he-

00:16:04 Asterios: [interjecting] I am not!

00:16:04 Sriracha: -reads this question.

00:16:06 Asterios: [interjecting] You. You know- look, this whole “Asterios is a pedophile” thing is hilarious to you [Sriracha laughs], you know that Maddox is going to use this in court.

00:16:13 Sriracha: That you’re a pedophile?

00:16:15 Asterios: STOP SAYING THAT! Okay moving on! “So he’s attracting all the chicks,” says CRINGE the edgelord. “I thought after his nose broke during a soccer game it would severely take him down a few notches. But it didn’t because now he’s getting more attention because of it. Any advice on how I can be better than him somehow without injuring myself for sympathy?” which was the first thing I was gonna suggest. Signed “CRINGE the edgelord, age 16”

00:16:44 Sriracha: Without injuring himself you said?

00:16:46 Asterios: Yeah, because my first thought was gonna be, “Okay, well if your cousin broke his nose, and he’s getting sympathy, you gotta break both your arms tryin’ to rescue some baby chicks from a burning uh, barn.

00:16:56 Sriracha: Ooh, see we went in totally opposite directions with our trains of thought. I was gonna say: injure yourself but only because cosmetic surgeries are not covered by insurance. But if you bust your jaw in a car accident, free new jaw! [laughs]

00:17:12 Asterios: Oh my god you’re right! You- bust up your whole face, and then they’ll put together a brand new play doh Franken-face. Say, “Make me look like my cousin.” The genetic markers are all there.

00:17:23 Sriracha: Yeah I was gonna say, if your cousin broke his nose, I don’t know how you thought that was gonna make him better looking because that just means that the doctor could craft an ideal nose and put it on his face. Like his nose was probably messed up to begin with. Most people’s noses are not very good looking, just on the offset.

00:17:41 Asterios: Yeah, but there’s something about a dude with a broken nose, like David Duchovny has a broken nose. Um, like uh, Brad Pitt’s nose looks like a little bit messed up. There’s somethin’ about like a slightly messed up nose, but the rest of your face being perfect that chicks are really into, ‘cause they’re like, “Oh it’s rugged. It’s kind of dangerous.” Do you disagree?

00:18:01 Sriracha: I- I’m trying to think of a nose- I- I don’t kn- I don’t look at people’s noses.

00:18:06 Asterios: [interjecting] David Duchovny from the X-Files.

00:18:07 Sriracha: I don’t know who that is.

00:18:08 Asterios: Oka- okay. That’s okay. I’m not old. I’m not. I’m not a boomer. I’m not. Asterios, you’re not a boomer. It’s okay. It’s okaaayyy. She doesn’t know who Gillian Anderson is either, right? No okay. You- you don’t know who Mitch Pileggi is. The cigarrette smoking man means nothing to you!

00:18:30 Sriracha: To you, okay but do you know-

00:18:31 Asterios: It’s the X-Files!

00:18:33 Sriracha: Do you know XXX Tension? That’s the only “X Files” we recognise, crack sip [laughs].

00:18:40 Asterios: What? Crack sip? Is that a song?

00:18:43 Sriracha: Listen I’m just saying, if you- ah- anytime you have to enter a co- a reconstructive surgeon’s office, the result is not gonna be you looking worse.

00:18:54 Asterios: Yup.

00:18:54 Sriracha: Unless you’re that poor chick that tried to blow her face off, and they saved it, and she got the first full face transplant?

00:19:01 Asterios: Oh no.

00:19:02 Sriracha: Oh god have you not seen this?

00:19:04 Asterios: No.

00:19:05 Sriracha: I didn’t believe in god- I didn’t believe in a vengeful god before I saw this story but now I do think that there is a god and he hates us very much. So there’s this chick right? And she tried to commit suicide by shooting herself in the head. And she did, and she failed. And she was clinging to life, and her parents thought that instead of just pulling her off life support, they would give her the first full face transplant that the world has ever seen. And let me tell you- I- I don’t- I don’t even have the vocabulary to describe how not-

00:19:40 Asterios: [interjecting] No. I’ve seen it.

00:19:42 Sriracha: -not natural this looks.

00:19:44 Asterios: I’ve seen it because I saw what happened to the lady that got- that got savaged by the monkey.

00:19:50 Sriracha: Yup. This ain’t- it looks like she’s an acid attack victim now.

00:19:52 Asterios: Yeah, it looks like she’s wearing like a… melted… latex face.

00:19:58 Sriracha: Like, “Oh hey! You- oh you hated life so much to the point where you wanted to die when you were a hot 19-year-old? Let’s bring you back as a literal monster.

00:20:07 Asterios: Yeaahh. Okay we’re not helping this kid.

00:20:09 Sriracha: Oh okay crap.

00:20:10 Asterios: Although we are maybe helping this kid because- because hey you don’t look like an a- you don’t look like uh- you don’t look like monkey- Monkey No-Face [Sriracha laughs]. You don’t look like old shooty mc- Shooty McStretch-Face. That’s what you gotta think to yourself, “I don’t look like SHooty McStretch-Face, therefore I’m already ahead of the game.”

00:20:32 Sriracha: My advice to this kid, edgelord the cringe face, would be to [laughs]- so you gotta put your cousin into situations in which he will- so he’s got the looks, alright.

00:20:43 Asterios: [singing] He’s got the looooks.

00:20:45 Sriracha: No way you’re gonna overcome him in that category, unle- without some serious effort, which we both know that you’re not willing to do [laughs].

00:20:52 Asterios: No, I’m amazed you took the effort to write into our podcast.

00:20:55 Sriracha: Right, so you need to put yourself in a situation in which his skills or whatever he’s bad at, is put on display. And I’m gonna guess that ‘cause he’s from France, that’s gonna be speaking English [laughs].

00:21:07 Asterios: I hear that foreign girls love English speakers. That’s what my dad told me. Dad was like, “When you go to Greece, all the girls love it when you talk English.

00:21:15 Sriracha: Oh they lose their- they lose their stuff.

00:21:17 Asterios: Do they really?

00:21:18 Sriracha: Umm- ja- the Japanese do, because it’s funny? Because English i- I don’t- I don’t know, I have not spent enough time in Europe to tell you if this is true universally? But in Asia, English is like a cool thing, like we’ve all seen those t-shirts that the person wearing it clearly has no idea what it says. Or it’s like a picture of Peppa Pig with the word “Thrasher” on it [laughs].

00:21:41 Asterios: I want that t-shirt.

00:21:43 Sriracha: So it’s like a cool thing, it’s like a decoration? Kinda like how we get Chinese symbols that mean “pork fried rice” tattooed on us sometimes, but they spend in Japan like 12 years learning English and they still can’t do it very well even though they all think that they can. So when somebody comes along who can speak fluent English and sort of communicate in Japanese it’s like you’re a super genius [laughs].

00:22:06 Asterios: Wow, okay! That’s fantastic advice! CRINGE, bone up on your English so, you can bone up on your- on your classmates. Um- one more thing though. Hmm. Girls like it when a boy wins something. Like, I’m not kidding-

00:22:25 Sriracha: [interjecting] Like an English speaking- like a spelling bee! Enter a spelling bee with him.

00:22:28 Asterios: Enter a spelling bee with him-

00:22:29 Sriracha: [interjecting] He’ll be puttin’ X’s all over the place where they don’t belong [laughs].

00:22:33 Asterios: Is there- I remember one time I won a pie eating contest and my girlfriend was really turned on by it.

00:22:38 Sriracha: …what?

00:22:39 Asterios: I- it was weird, I was in college and I won a pie eating contest, and afterward she was like, “Oh my god you- you killed the competition,” and I was like, “Yeah honey I know.”

00:22:48 Sriracha: I think you were datin’ a “feeder” Asterios, without even knowing it.

00:22:52 Asterios: [carefully] I’m going… to try and move on-

00:22:55 Sriracha: [interjecting] A “feeder” and a “stuffer” [laughs].

00:22:56 Asterios: [interjecting] No! Yeah. Yes yeah. [carefully] I am going… to try to steel my mind against learning [Sriracha laughs]. Clearly, you’re tryin’ to teach me about some kind of fetish. Sheilds up Kokkinos. Don’t learn whatever she’s gonna tell you. Don’t learn it. Okay I think the danger’s passed-

00:23:14 Sriracha: [loud and fast] When somebody gets off on making somebody fat. [laughs]

00:23:20 Asterios: I gotta throw up. I’m not kidding. Can you give us a commerial?

00:23:26 Sriracha: Okay yeah sure-

00:23:26 Asterios: [interjecting] Wait, wait real quick. Kid, just become good at something, anything. Become good a Counter Strike. Become good at spelling. Ba- like, just become good at something… I go- I am not kidding, I have to go to the bathroom. Can we please get- ‘cause I need to go see what I can do about my stomach here, I feel very sick. Can we please get a commercial from Sriracha?

00:23:48 Sriracha: Of course. [clears throat] Thank you for listening to this podcast, if you wanna see more, you can visit our sponsor, is the number one a- oh thank- he’s in the bathroom now so I’m gonna keyword stuff with gross keywords so you degenerates will email in questions that I actually know something about. Ready? Mpreg podcast, mpreg transcript, mpreg porn… mpreg is the only thing coming to mind right now let me think. Nakadashi, nakadashi podcast, cuckholdry podcast, cuck porn, cuck porn podcast, the best cuck porn, fortnite, fortnite porn, fortnite rule 34, fortnite podcast, free fortnite outfits, fortnite hacks, fortnite tricks, fortnite tricks podcast, fortnite tricks podcast transcript, seo, fortnite seo, how to grow your youtube channel, how to grow your twitter presence, how to grow your twitter channel. Hello, welcome back Asterios.

00:24:50 Asterios: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do anything funnier than keyword stuff a podcast. [both laugh] This is so great! Alright. Speaking of stuff, this next question- this next guy has a question about some stuff. Actually, interestingly… all the questions this week are about boys who are havin’ trouble with girls.

00:25:09 Sriracha: Okay.

00:25:10 Asterios: So- I mean who would have thought that my listenership might not be the swingin’est hottest catinest dudes.

00:25:17 Sriracha: I don’t know [unintelligible, but along the lines of “beats me”]- it was totally m- let me tell ya, The Dick Show audience? All casanovas. Every one of them. [laughs]

00:25:23 Asterios: Yeah it’s so wei- so it’s very brave that these three… rarities- okay David, 17 says, “I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago and I haven’t talked to her since. I’m starting to miss her what do I do?”

00:25:38 Sriracha: You broke up with her?

00:25:40 Asterios: Yeah, sounds like he broke up with her.

00:25:41 Sriracha: Hmmm…

00:25:42 Asterios: But he’s startin’ to miss her. I wish I knew any- I wish I knew more about this girl. Maybe we should just answer this one quickly ‘cause there’s not a lot of meat on this bone. Um, yeah I would…

00:25:52 Sriracha: Oh buddy you burned that bridge!

00:25:53 Asterios: Yeah don’t.

00:25:54 Sriracha: You can’t.

00:25:55 Asterios: No.

00:25:55 Sriracha: You burned it. It would be different if she broke up with you.

00:25:58 Asterios: But even then I wouldn’t…

00:26:00 Sriracha: Yeah, no that’s not the recommended course of action ever. Is-

00:26:03 Asterios: [interjecting] Yeaahhh.

00:26:03 Sriracha: -getting back together. That never works.

00:26:05 Asterios: [interjecting] You gotta move f- you gotta move forward David. If you broke upwith her, if she broke up with you, it’s like… you can’t go home again. Um, like I don’t know, maybe 15 years from now you guys could be friends like in the- like in the- the show “Cougar Town” where-

00:26:24 Sriracha: [interjecting] No. No. Don’t agree. I’m not-

00:26:26 Asterios: Okay.

00:26:27 Sriracha: - I know I’m supposed to be yes-anding you instead of-

00:26:29 Asterios: [interjecting] You don’t have to yes-and me, I wanna hear your actual opinion.

00:26:31 Sriracha: -but I don’t want this kid- let me tell you because I’m at that stage now where people from high school who never left uh their home town, are starting to message me and see like what I am up to? And the a- it makes me- I’m gonna swear, ‘cause I feel like I need to- check it out for the best SEO tips how to grow your Fortnite channel, how to Fortnite- how to Fortnite dance. Fortnite dance instruction. Free Fortnite outfits-

00:27:00 Asterios: [interjecting] Just get to it with the point!

00:27:01 Sriracha: It pisses me the fuck off. It makes me so fucking mad, because I’m looking at the- like I see the message sitting in my inbo- and you people were fucking assholes to me. None of you wanted to date me when I was in high school, why the fuck are you messaging me now? Wha- uh did the- like this motherfucker - like this fucking dipshit messages me - literally this happened to me about a week ago, this dipshit, and we’re gonna call him “Tyler” ‘cause was his name [laughs]… Tyler messages me and I had the biggest crush on this guy in like eighth grade. He messages me, “Hey. How you doin’?” and I respond back, “Good,” and he says, “Sorry I was such a dick in high school,” I was like, “It’s fine, stuff happens,” he says, “Well yeah, uh I’m gonna be in town this weekend if you want to meet up,” I’m like, “Absolutely not. No. Even if I didn’t live of the other side of the country, no. Even if it was- you were proposing a meeting place outside of my house, no.”

00:27:56 Asterios: It’s-

00:27:57 Sriracha: Mothafucka I didn’t see you in the gym with me shootin’ hoops with- I think that’s a Drake song.

00:28:02 Asterios: Okay. Let me say one thing- alright first off, I completely agree with you. These Johnny-

00:28:08 Sriracha: [interjecting] Good.

00:28:09 Asterios: Well yeah! These Johnny-Come-Latelies… you got no time for them!

00:28:12 Sriracha: Yeah, like oh okay- it makes me physically ill, like oh, now you’re obese and have a kid, and you- you seriously think this is going to work. Fuck you. Fuck you all the way to hell.

00:28:23 Asterios: I just want to point out… I think it’s kinda cool that you’ve grown up to become a pretty hot lady. You’re very funny, popular on the Internet. You’re like a- you’re very attractive on Instagram. I’m just sayin’, these guys are all coming out of the woodwork, now they want- now they want some Sriracha on their rice: bottle’s closed. Isn’t that kinda cool for you?

00:28:46 Sriracha: [interjecting] Bottle’s closed.

00:28:47 Asterios: Isn’t that kinda cool? It’s like, these guys [snaps fingers] they want what you’re sellin’!

00:28:51 Sriracha: No, it makes me feel nothing but blind rage.

00:28:53 Asterios: I understand. And I’m not gonna tell you how to feel. A male feminist baby [Sriracha laughs]! Anyway, how to score with more rando chicks. Okay first u- no um…

00:29:05 Sriracha: I forget what the question was.

00:29:06 Asterios: The question was should this guy try to- should this guy try to re-initiate contact-

00:29:10 Sriracha: [interjecting] No. Mo- move accross the country.

00:29:11 Asterios: [interjecting] Noo, you gotta mo- you gotta b- you gotta be like a shark. You’re swimming forward or you die. That’s how life is-

00:29:18 Sriracha: [interjecting] Is that how sharks work?

00:29:19 Asterios: Yes. Sharks, if they stop swimming they die! That’s how sharks work.

00:29:23 Sriracha: I- that does not sound accurate but I don’t know enough about sharks to argue with you.

00:29:26 Asterios: Well eventually we found a cave full of sleeping sharks… but for a long time that is what we thought about sharks cause we never saw- saw- ever saw sharks sleeping. Moving on! Alright, question three. Oh! Alright this is a nice- this is a nice easy one. This is Luke, he’s 16 years old. He writes, “How do I meet girls? I go to an all boys school and my social circle is entirely composted [pauses] composted of guys.”

00:29:54 Sriracha: Oh my god.

00:29:55 Asterios: So cute.

00:29:55 Sriracha: It’s made of people!

00:29:57 Asterios: It’s so adorable. “What do I do?” Alright so his social circle is entirely composed of dudes, how does he meet girls? Are sixteen years- are sixteen year olds allowed to use Tinder?

00:30:07 Sriracha: No they are not.

00:30:09 Asterios: But can they secretly use it?

00:30:10 Sriracha: Sounds like you’re askin’ for a personal reason.

00:30:13 Asterios: This is a terrible meme [Sriracha laughs]. This is a terrible me- one day we’re gonna be in court, and I’m gonna be like, “Yeah my girlfriend’s just an asshole.”

00:30:20 Sriracha: I’ll testify. I’ll testify, I’ll get on the stand. I’ll be a total dick about it too.

00:30:26 Asterios: Moving-

00:30:26 Sriracha: [interjecting] I’ll start accusing the attorney- the prosecut- the attorney doing the cross-examination of being a pedophile.

00:30:33 Asterios: You’ve learned well from your boy Mike Cernovich [Sriracha laughs]. You’ve learned very well.

00:30:37 Sriracha: Mike Cernovich follows me on instagram [laughs].

00:30:40 Asterios: He DM’d me the other day on twitter!

00:30:42 Sriracha: Yeah you wanna talk about that? That was pretty funny-

00:30:43 Asterios: [interjecting] NO! I don’t it’s so scary!

00:30:45 Sriracha: Why’s it scary?

00:30:46 Asterios: Because I’m just tryin’ to watch anime with my girlfriend- it’s Idle Fest. All the girls, they’re singing during Idle Fest. It’s raining. It might not go well at Idle Fest but all of a sudden, “New Generations” comes out, kills it, suddenly: Mike Cernovich DM’s me, and I’m like, “If I say the wrong thing right now, he’s gonna find a way to- he’s gonna James Gunn me! I’m gonna get James’d in the Gunn!”

00:31:12 Sriracha: I can’t believe you threw that opportunity in the garbage. You realise you coulda had this lawsuit on Donald Trump’s desk. Right? And I planted this seed. Make no mistake. The only reason Mike Cernovich is aware of this lawsuit is because of me.

00:31:27 Asterios: I’m dating a super villain. I’m dating Shego.

00:31:31 Sriracha: You could have gotten Donald Trump to pardon you! You could have gotten him to publicize your lawsuit! You realise how much fucking money you could have made off of this? That you just threw in the trash?

00:31:46 Asterios: I don’t… like… Donald Trump. I don’t wanna-

00:31:50 Sriracha: [interjecting] Nobody does! Melania Trump doesn’t like Donald Trump!

00:31:55 Asterios: Moving oonnnn. Okay, Luke wants to know how to meet girls. Am I wrong to tell this guy just to get on Tinder because there’s probably also teenage girls on Tinder?

00:32:03 Sriracha: Uhh, yes.

00:32:04 Asterios: Okay.

00:32:04 Sriracha: And also, why don’t you have a seat over there?

00:32:06 Asterios: Goddamn it! Okay. Um… how does he meet girls? Uhh, where- where do- where do teenagers hang out, is there a juice bar? That’s what they did in the Power Rangers. They all hung out at the Angel Grove Juice Bar.

00:32:22 Sriracha: Um, let me ask a question about the question.

00:32:25 Asterios: Okay.

00:32:25 Sriracha: Did he say that he went to an all-boys school or?

00:32:28 Asterios: Yes.

00:32:28 Sriracha: Okay. Alright, so that wo- what I was gonna say was, get real good, take like an AP English class, like a girl class, but lemme tell ya-

00:32:37 Asterios: [interjecting] That’s brilliant!

00:32:37 Sriracha: Yeah no ‘cause it’s always all women.

00:32:40 Asterios: Yes. That’s really goddamn smart. Start taking AP classes that you have to board at other schools, where you have to go to other schools to do. Or, maybe start taking college classes.

00:32:50 Sriracha: That w- that’s a great idea.

00:32:53 Asterios: Yeah!

00:32:53 Sriracha: That’s a great idea. And if you’re good enough at what you’re doing, and you have enough free time ‘cause you can’t- you can’t drink and obviously you’re not having sex with anyone so what’reyou filling your time with besides math [laughs]? Go take a- a college entrance level course and then get real good at it, and become like- did your college have those groups where like you had study sessions and the teacher would pick- like usu- like for my Japanese it was- I was the T.A. so I was the one that had to lead like the study groups? But I imagine at some college- did your college have that or is that just a weird…

00:33:26 Asterios: No I went to a teeny tiny college with like almost no kids. So like we… everyone was just kinda like left to their own devices.

00:33:33 Sriracha: Oh really? Well some- your college probably organises study groups and you could even make some money leading those studdy group, and also it’s a great way to meet women, because like, you’re in your element.

00:33:45 Asterios: Yup!

00:33:45 Sriracha: You’re just talkin’ about something that you’re- you are very good at, whether it’s math, or explaining super- super hard chemistry stuff.

00:33:54 Asterios: I love it because the thing is, I dunno let’s say you go to like a coffee shop where all the boys and girls hang out like in- like in Gilmour Girls I assume that they’re- I don’t know where kids hang out I dunno what they do. When I was a kid, all we had to do was this. The only thing we had to do was that we would all hang out in the 7-Eleven parking lot. ‘Cause I grew up in like a tiny tiny small town [Sriracha laughs], like so that was it. And it’s like, I knew everyone; my class was 42 kids, like… I wasn’t gonna meet anybody new. It’s like, “Yeah here’s uh, there’s the girl I’ve known for fifteen years!” Um, but uh, but like the thing is even if there was a weirdo rando girl that I had never met, like what would I talk to her about? But now you can talk about math and science and whatever to these- to these equally studious girls!

00:34:41 Sriracha: If you live in a major city, my advice would be: go hang out at a hostel? Yo that was my favourite hobby.

00:34:47 Asterios: [interjecting] That’s a great; I love- I love that you did that. I love that you did that.

00:34:51 Sriracha: As a kid there- there’s this fantastic- in Los Angeles, this hostel.

00:34:55 Asterios: Yes.

00:34:56 Sriracha: Which is on, I beleive- where- where’s the gay centre? [Asterios starts responding] It’s right across the street from the gay centre.

00:34:59 Asterios: [talking over]I- I think it- I think it’s Yucca- I think it’s on Yucca between Sunset and Hollywood.

00:35:05 Sriracha: It’s real close to Sunset, and they leave the door un- they’ve got a balcony- not a balcony but like an outside hangout smoking centre-

00:35:12 Asterios: [interjecting] A patio! Yeah!

00:35:13 Sriracha: -patio type of thing, that they leave unlocked [laughs]. You can just wander into. And our favourite hobby on Saturday nights as kids was to go and just walk in, and take a seat, and start talking to people, because as soon as they realised that you’re American, everyb- every foreigner wants to come talk to you-

00:35:33 Asterios: Yup.

00:35:33 Sriracha: - and hang out with you. And let me tell you they are very generous with their alcohol [laughs].

00:35:37 Asterios: Yeah man! Exactly! Like, right now in your- in your all-boy school, you’re just a number. But, you go to like some fun hostel, all of a sudden, you’re the person that can tell everybody about America! Now you’re special!

00:35:51 Sriracha: Yeah.

00:35:52 Asterios: You’re different! You’re tellin’ America stories and all about how [laughs] our country has big problems. Big big problems. Like uh, peopel are buying you drinks, a cute flirty foreign girl named- named Sassandra comes over? And she’s like, [indistinct accent] “Oh, tell me all about America!”

00:36:09 Sriracha: Sassandra. What country is Sassandra from?

00:36:12 Asterios: Susudio?

00:36:14 Sriracha: Was gonna say that accent sounds weirdly West African? I have no idea where Sassandra is from.

00:36:20 Asterios: [continues] “I’m Sassandra. I am from Germany.”

00:36:23 Sriracha: Okay. [laughs]

00:36:24 Asterios: See? I’m perfect at this.

00:36:25 Sriracha: Okay.

00:36:26 Asterios: I’m so good at this. Okay. That’s brilliant honey!

00:36:29 Sriracha: Thank you.

00:36:30 Asterios: Go to the hostel- another thing you gotta do is… you gotta get involved in like, clubs that have competitions. Like if you become a mathlete or something, then you gotta go to some other highschool, there’s all these cute girls there, and they’re gonna be like, “[gasps] Those are the cute boys from the all-boys school. Oh boy!”

00:36:49 Sriracha: Yeah don’t all- don’t almost all all-boys school have a sister school that’s an all-girl’s school-

00:36:56 Asterios: [interjecting] I don’t know.

00:36:56 Sriracha: -that you have to do get-togethers with? I feel like that’s a thing, isn’t it? Maybe I’m just- maybe that’s just something they have on TV shows.

00:37:02 Asterios: That might just be something that happens in the animes you watch.

00:37:05 Sriracha: I don’t agree with the- the picking people up at coffee shops theory? I-

00:37:10 Asterios: [interjecting] No, I’m saying don’t do it! ‘Cause how do you do it?

00:37:11 Sriracha: [interjecting] I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think they talked about that on the Dick Show at one point, but that is just horrifying and terrifying and I don’t think that works for most people.

00:37:19 Asterios: No no. No no no. No i- e- i- yeah it- it doesn’t work. Wha- what I’m saying is don’t do that. Don’t hang out at the juice bar and then just walk to- walk up to random people. Like you got- there has to be a- some sort of activity. There has to be a meta-context in which you can engage, be it mathletics or athletics.

00:37:38 Sriracha: Yes. Yes, because you need to make the girls feel like you’re not going to hurt them. And how you do that is for ha- is by having a vehicle of conversation that makes sense for the context.

00:37:53 Asterios: Exactly. You can walk up to a girl and go like, “Hey, how’s math treating you these days?”

00:37:58 Sriracha: Right, like let me tell you. Works: standing in the coffee shop line, turn to the girl next to you and being like, “Wow, what’s a guy gotta do to get some service around here?” when you’ve been waiting for more than 15 minutes. Doesn’t work: taking a seat at somebody else’s table, and just start talking about them. Even if you’re talking about the coffee, doesn’t make any sense.

00:38:19 Asterios: Yeah, exactly, ‘cause it’s- it’s very very forced. What girls are looking for is for the experience that they see in romantic comedies to be replicated. Now there’s never a rom-com where all of a sudden, a girl’s just sitting at a table and then a guy just walks over there and starts talking to her. They always have to have a “meet cue.”

00:38:39 Sriracha: Yeah.

00:38:40 Asterios: For example, in the movie “Serendipity”, they both want the same leather gloves and they- and they’re like, “Uh- bu- that last pair of gloves is mine, I need it for my dad.” “No this last pair of gloves is mine, I need it for my- my dad!” Now we’re arguing about gloves, movie “You Got Mail”, meet cue: they- they both need the same book or something I don’t know. Whatever. You need a meet cue! Google meet cue! Classic meet cues!

00:39:03 Sriracha: [gravelly voice] Run as fast as you can through the TSA [laughs].

00:39:06 Asterios: Yeah exactly! Be like, “I’m late! I’m late!” Run as fast as you can, kn- be knocking over things. And then, as- and then watch the airplane take off and then snap your fingers and go “Aw, I just missed it.” Then a girl’s gonna come over and go “What’s wrong?” And you’re gonna be like, “Ahh, I’m late for my… daa… I’m late for the b- big business meeting, you know, could we get a drink so maybe I can calm down?” Now there’s a context.

00:39:31 Sriracha: What do you think about hitting on people- I realise this makes no sense with a sixteen year old but maybe him and that kid with the French cousin could go hang out and hit on girls in France where it’s legal to drink at eighteen. Do you think that- what- how do you hit on people at bars? Does it work? ‘Cause I once played a hentai game that told me that you should always approach women in groups, as a man? And I don’t know if that’s true.

00:39:55 Asterios: Something that I- I’m- I usually just go like, “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” and it’s like, that way like I’m putting all my cards out on the table. I’m not- ‘cause it’s like I don’t want to do this thing where like, I’m pretending and you think maybe I’m tryin’ to be your friend and you- it’s just like: I like to be very up-front. So I’ll be like, “Hey can I buy you a drink?” and if they say, “Yeah,” then I know, “Okay, well you’re interested in like, at least a conversation.” and if they’re not, well then I’m not gonna waste my time.

00:40:20 Sriracha: Yeah. I guess that works.

00:40:22 Asterios: Has anybody ever offered to buy you a drink?

00:40:24 Sriracha: Yeah of course.

00:40:25 Asterios: Exactly! Isn’t it nice?

00:40:27 Sriracha: It is nice- it is nice, I like when they come over and they say, “Do you mind if I sit here?” Like if I’m sitting at a bar first.

00:40:34 Asterios: Yeah.

00:40:34 Sriracha: Because then it’s like, it’s an easy out. You can easily say, “Oh I’m sorry, my friend’s sitting there, I’m waiting for her to get back-”

00:40:40 Asterios: Yeah.

00:40:40 Sriracha: -if you don’t feel like talking to him.

00:40:41 Asterios: Yeah. That’s good.

00:40:43 Sriracha: Yeah.

00:40:43 Asterios: Eeehh.

00:40:44 Sriracha: What?

00:40:45 Asterios: I don’t know that either of us are skilled enough to give people advice on how to pick up people at bars.

00:40:50 Sriracha: Yeaahh. Yeah, no you’re speakin’ the truth [laughs].

00:40:53 Asterios: Yeah, it’s kinda like, I liked everything we said about mathletics, I liked everything we said about activities and goin’ on- going on multi-school trips and… but like, ah this kid’s sixteen, he’s not gonna be at a bar for like five years, it’s like- and even then… alright kid just go to- what you gotta do is, you gotta get yourself a group of bro friends- wait what?

00:41:16 Sriracha: You could do the thing that Elliot Rodger tried.

00:41:18 Asterios: Oh no…

00:41:18 Sriracha: Which was [laughs]-

00:41:19 Asterios: What…

00:41:19 Sriracha: -to get blasted off his ass, and then just wander into house parties and walk around, but you can do it better because you will know that you need to talk to people… which Elliot did not realise.

00:41:32 Asterios: This has been… Asterios Kills a Kid. Never has that title been more apt [Sriracha laughs] than Sriracha giving people Elliot Rodger advice.

00:41:43 Sriracha: Oh have you ever seen Mumkey Jones’ video on that? The house party he once went to? Oh it’s so funny.

00:41:49 Asterios: Eeehh… [Sriracha laughs] thank you for listening. Uh, if you want early episodes, or bonus episodes of our stuff, you can go to for just a buck. Um, other than that we’ve got a Discord now?

00:42:05 Sriracha: Yeah.

00:42:05 Asterios: If you’re looking for the link just tweet us. I’m @asterios um… we’ll send you an invite. The discord’s a lot of fun, we have hundreds of people. If you wanna leave us a voicemail, you can reach us at 347-705-7617, uh, try to keep it short. Try to keep it like thirty seconds.

00:42:26 Sriracha: Thirty seconds.

00:42:28 Asterios: And… I think that’s about it. Uh, for Sriracha, I’m Asterios Kokkinos and I’m sayin’ “Have a good week and try not to get killed kids!”

00:42:40 Sriracha: Have a great night and fortnite dance, fortnite dance how to, parents fortnite, teacher fortnite, yeeting on teachers, yeeting on fortnite, yeeting on- [laughs] I can’t keep- you can’t just let me go forever!

00:42:50 Asterios: It’s funny I’m sorry. I know that it would make sense for me to cut you off as like straight man, but you’re very funny.

00:42:57 Sriracha: Peppa pig episodes, peppa pig 247, parent guide, songs for kids, educational songs for kids, educational fortnite for kids, educational fortnite dances, learn colors with fortnite, learn shapes with fortnite, learn how to count with fortnite, learn numbers with fortnite, fortnite dance yeeting on teacher, fortnite yeet on teacher dance…

[Sriracha’s voice fades out  as the podcast ends.]