Asterios Kills a Kid | Episode 4: Positivity: Fake It Til You Make It

Episode 4: Positivity: Fake It Til You Make It

May 10, 2018

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Thumbnail: A youtube video thumbnail where Asterios is playing Fortnite and eating cereal while Sriracha dabs at a cop. The video title reads, 'Fortnite Dabbing in the Hood YEET Mukbang Video NSFW'. It has over 80 million views.

Featuring: Asterios Kokkinos, Sriracha

When they’re not helping kids untangle their spaghetti brain, or getting them more views on YouTube, Asterios and Sriracha are helping mold our future cult leaders.

Producer Jesse here! I’d just like to take a moment to thank everyone for submitting so many great (and sometimes horrifying) questions. If you’d like to get in on the fun, visit our submit question page.

This episode had a lot of firsts. We received our first voicemail, our first follow-up email, and for the first time in AKAK history, our hosts are given a question about something that they actually have experience handling: clinical depression.

“Hey Guys I’m a big fan of the show and I would like you to help me solve a problem. So recently I’ve been seeing everything so negatively and I don’t get why, everyone always asks me what’s wrong and I don’t have any way to answer them because I don’t know. That jumbled mess summarized: how can I see the world more positively?”

— Spaghetti, 14

Asterios and Sriracha rattle off solutions like a couple of seasoned experts, before finally returning to topics they don’t know all that much about.

This next question is about creating funny content with mass appeal.

“How can i get more YouTube followers? I make epic YouTube videos but my only followers are related to me.”

— Noah, 9

Asterios and Sriracha teach Noah the real trick to success on YouTube. It’s not about quality. It’s not about originality. It’s all about that SEO.

For an example of good SEO game, look no further than! Here are the top five google search queries that got our site to pop up on google:

Queries: 1) asterios kills a kid. 2) sriracha asterios. 3) asterios sriracha. 4) kids ass xxx. 5) chris chan's penis

Finally, here’s a question from a kid who’s itching to get an assault charge.

“Hey, I’m that 14 year old boy that you refused to fight on your live stream even though I offered you an all expenses paid trip here to the Bronx. But anyways, I need help. I go to a very good high school in downtown NYC where a lot of the smart kids go. Along with this there are a bunch of IEP kids. Even though I was put into this school for my high grades, the school social worker said it’d be better if I’m with kids who have similar social skills. Being one of the only kids in this group who isn’t a complete fucking idiot, I’m constantly being tormented and harrassed all day for not being a tard. I’m not allowed to dight these kids because being a foot taller than most, I’d be the first to get suspended in a fight, also I try not to fight tards. What do I do?”

— George, 14

Asterios and Sriracha try to steer George away from directly assaulting these kids… and toward… manipulating them into fighting each…

Okay look, I want to be able to tell all my friends, “Hey, look at me! I’m working with these funny comedians! Isn’t this great?” But now I’ve gotta wait another month because you told a kid to do Fight Club but with IEP kids. Next time… let’s just do one episode that won’t give my mother a heart attack. Please? For Producer Jesse?

Do you have any advice for these kids? Let us know in the comments!

And if you have a question for Asterios and Sriracha, visit the Submit Question page.

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