Asterios Kills a Kid | Episode 2: The Birds & The Wasps
Episode 2: The Birds & The Wasps
February 20, 2018
Wasp sting your friend? Some 8th graders steal your snowball? A girl has bigger boobs than you? This episode’s all about getting your revenge.
This is Producer Jesse welcoming you to another episode of Asterios Kills a Kid!
If at any point while listening to the following questions you think, “Man, I know a kid with problems way more fucked up than this,” go find that child, place them in front of a computer, and get them to submit their questions here.
The first question this episode is from Hailey, a seven-year-old girl who’s out for blood:
— Hailey, 7
Asterios and Sriracha soberly advise Hailey to listen to her parents, who are only looking out for her safety and— oh wait, no, it turns out they recommend becoming a martyr for wasp genocide? HA! Who gave these assholes a podcast?
Next up is a girl who’s got two very big problems:
— Big Boobs, 14
Sriracha lightheartedly recommends committing suicide, before moving on to her real advice, which is to commit suicide. Asterios, not ready to commit to the show’s premise that explicitly, digs deeper.
Finally, a tale of heartbreak as old as time itself:
— Snowball, 9
How will David take on Goliath? Well, if he follows Asterios’ advice he’ll frame Goliath for planning the next Columbine. Or he can follow Sriracha’s recommendation: lead him to believe he got cucked by a 4th grader.
Do you have any advice for these kids? Let us know in the comments!
And if you have a question for Asterios and Sriracha, visit the Submit Question page.